Ten tips for improved relationship - Dean Abbott twitter thread

1. Never play the victim. Realize that your relationships are a product of what you put out, your energy, your behavior, your attitudes. Make sure these are right on your end.

2. Accept that most people do not think what they think of you by accident or because they are evil. This happens less than most people think. People's attitudes toward you are a reflection of the signals you send.

3. Enter all your encounters with a focus on providing value to the other person. Focus on understanding their needs and doing what you can to meet them.

4. Be ruthlessly honest with yourself and engage in lots of self-examination. We are all running off programming we are usually unconscious of, and that has an impact on our relationships.

5. Know your limits. You cannot take care of anyone else totally. You must know what you can and can't do for others. You must know what you are and are not willing to do for others, and you must stay within those limits.

6. Have standards. Decide on very clear limits to to the kind of behavior you will accept in a relationship. Do not compromise on these. Don't be afraid to let a relationship end if the other person refuses to treat you in a way you can accept.

7. Don't try to change others. Instead, focus on your boundaries and what is acceptable to you. Don't, for example, try to get your boyfriend to give up stamp collecting. Decide for yourself whether you want to date a stamp collector.

8. Realize that other people are also broken, lost and miserable. Take that into account when making judgments about them and relationships with them.

9. Remember that it is more important to have integrity than to be liked. Do not compromise on morals or principles. By doing this, you will drive away those who would undermine your integrity and attract those who uphold it.

10. Make growth the point of your relationships. The goal of relationships should not be mere fun or companionship, but mutual aid in becoming something more like the ideal version of ourselves.

His twitter feed

Ten Big Ideas

Ten Big Ideas that changed your life?- Brent Beshore Tweeter thread.

1) Imago Dei: Every person is inherently valuable independent of behavior and beliefs. Everyone matters. Treat people accordingly, without exception.

2) Rationality: In the moment, people act rationally, always. The question is what information, preferences, time horizon, and biases came into play? Removes ability to write-off people/behavior. Forces learning and empathy.

3) Meaningful = Hard: If something worthwhile appears easy, it means I got lucky. Or, I've never done it. Crucial to setting opportunity costs, evoking gratitude, suppressing envy, and cheering others on.

4) Base Rate: The average of how others do is the mostly likely indicator of my future performance. I want to get into situations where the base rate is attractive.

5) Messy: Life is messy. People are messy. Business is messy. Relationships are messy. I’m messy. Messiness should never be surprising. Give myself and others grace.

6) Margin of Safety/Redundancy: Stuff happens. Expect it and be prepared. Applies to virtually every area of life and far beyond investing — engineering, organizational operations, relationships, health, personal finances, etc.

7) Serving vs. Served: The great paradox of life is self-sacrificial service. More I give, with no expectation of reciprocity, the better life goes for others and me. Counterintuitive and countercultural.

8) Non-Linearity: I expect orderly, sequential outcomes. I get compounding, with unexpectedly positive and negative outcomes. Expect the unexpected. Get better at ball-parking nonlinear results.

9) Forgotten: In 100 years, no one will know my name. And certainly, no one will know me and I won’t know them. Living for fame and recognition is like chasing the wind. I try re-read Ecclesiastes monthly.

10) Invert: Avoiding failure is a heck of a lot easier than trying to be successful. Understand predictable points of failure (probability + magnitude) and plan against them. And don't worry, failure will still come often.